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Sunday, September 25, 2011

What I've Learned from Dubstep

Here's just a few things I learned this weekend from going to a Dubstep show.

1. You will be touched. A LOT. Like A LOT A LOT. Hopefully in a sensual but appropriate way... Hopefully. Hundreds of people dancing in a confined space, it happens. Learn to go with it.

2. You have no chance of staying hygienic. This goes back to the hundreds of people thing... dancing... sweating for hours on end... god knows what else... Again go with it. You can wash the film off in the morning.

3. If you go to an after party, prepare for massages from strangers. This may sound strange, but yes, electronic dance people are like that, assumingly only because of their kind and noble virute as good people of course, and they want you to feel good. I was a little taken aback, but by massage #12 I learned to thoroughly enjoy this. If only more strangers offered back rubs the world would be a better place.

4. Don't drink too much water. You're incredibly hot, very sweaty, and it's only natural to seek H20 refreshment. However SWIM tells me drinking too much water will lead to incredibly unpleasant time spent in the bathroom the next day.

5. Prepare ahead. You've been drinking mostly water all night, and the show just got over and you're still looking to party. DAMN, it's 2 a.m. and you have no beer... what a sad feeling.

6. Don't do back flips in the street. However if you do, it's really cool and people will applaud you from apartment windows. It seemed pretty great at the time. So I'll leave this up to you... most really cool things are very dumb and/or dangerous I've learned.

7. Don't act like an idiot in front of the police station. Goes without saying. Thankfully Karma can be forgiving.

8. Go with strangers. I know, it goes against everything your parents taught you, but your times will be much more exciting, plus you will make lots of new friends out of these strange folk. What's the worst that could happen?... Well, yeah, OK, that would be bad... So okay, COMPROMISE: Before you go try to get an idea if these people will rape you or not.

9. Bicycle cops are wimps / Travel in large groups. Seriously, he can't ride you all in on his handlebars.

10. Sleep is overrated. As the great late Warren Zevon said, "I'll sleep when I'm dead." If you get home at 7 a.m., don't beat yourself up. How important is daylight anyway?


11. Keep your club wristband on. That way when you wake up you'll know it wasn't all a dream.

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