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Friday, September 16, 2011

EXCLUSIVE: Shop Party 2011 (Finally!)

I apologize for not posting sooner, but alas, I was in a car crash, lost my hair, attacked by killer 

bees, their honey attracted killer bears, I had to use a ridiculous amount of Twae K won Do to 

survive (Oh yes 4th grade lessons paid off finally, Orange belt baby)... got abducted by the 

drug cartel... zombies, etc. etc. I promise to not let such distractions get in the way of the blog 

in the future. Anyhoo here you go!

2011 Shop Party Awesomeness (Insane Drunkenness)

So what is this party? Well about 300 drunks, 200 pounds of pork loin, live music, illegal fireworks, 20 fried turkeys, and most importantly 10 kegs of beer all in a town of about 1,500 people in Northwest Iowa that I will call The Village. 

It's basically our excuse to drink ridiculously large amounts free beer, and my annual challenge to drink half a keg (never have even come close). 

So what happened?

We did it to it... There's Liz, Joe (insanely drunk, started at 3 p.m., this was before he started asking girls to see their buttholes), my underage sister, Christie, Me, and Tony.... actually we're all very drunk. 

Phil had his one beer for the night... Actually finished it but it had to be nasty warm...

A ridiculous amount of picking people up and taking their pictures... why I do not know... let's say it was for the unions....

MY MOM GOT DRUNK. I will keep this picture forever.

HIGHLY ILLEGAL FIREWORKS! We get away with it every year, probably because most of the village is at the party. (However we did get our first OWI this year... only took ten years.

My underage sister drinking to Jimmy Buffet music... Tsk, tsk... I knew there was a woman to blame

Drunks dancing with their children... one day they'll grow up to drink excessive amounts of alcohol and embarrass their own children, ahhh...

Twister! The world's largest game of twister actually. Well, the largest game of twister played by the intoxicated at least. Jimmy Rokes won the game and a Snap-On wall clock... though his real prize may have been his nose in at least several womens' rears....

Adam, Taylor (in his finest Bruce Springsteen attire) and my sister drinking more alcohol... That night Taylor was with the 101st airborne... and he still did not get laid. FAIL

And me, unusually happy for some reason. Guess why... Union pride of course...

And all of the SOB's who came to eat our free chow... JK, all are welcome at the Shop party, except my ex... that was awkward...

More content will be coming soon. What you didn't see here was Taylor, Joe and Adam hitting on a group of girls, then immediately telling them all they had "dirty pussies"... Advice: really not the best strategy. 

Even better: VIDEO: Hobo vs. Retard Arm Wrestling!!! (I know, sorry, not PC, but that's exactly what it is). This amazing video and even more embarrassing pictures of my friends and family will be posted soon. 

Until next year, rest your livers...


  1. It wasn't our OWI bud, it was just some drunk guy that the cop thought had been at our party, but he hadn't been.

  2. Thank you for the correction, Anonymous...